< 2019. 1학년 1학기>

p1

①First of all, let me get something straight: This is a Journal, not a diary. I know what it says on the cover, but when Mom went out to buy this thing I specifically told her to get one that didn’t say “diary” on it. Great. [SISSY! PUNCH]

②All I need is for some jerk to catch me carrying this book around and get the wrong idea. The other thing I want to clear up right away is that this was mom’s idea, not mine. But if she thinks I’m going to write down my “feelings” in here or whatever, she’s crazy.

p2

③So just don’t expect me to be all “Dear Diary” this and “Dear Diary” that. The only reason I agreed to do this at all is because I figure later on when I’m rich and famous, I’ll have better things to do than answer people’s stupid questions all day long. So this book is gonna come in handy.

[ GREGORY? TELL US ABOUT YOUR CHILDHOOD? ]

[ WERE YOU ALWAYS SO SMART AND HANDSOME? ]

[ HERE’S MY JOURNAL. NOW SHOO, SHOO. ]

④Like I said, I’ll be famous one day, but for now I’m stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons.   [MORONS]

Let me just say for the record that I think middle school is the dumbest idea ever invented. You got kids like me who haven’t hit their growth spurt yet mixed in with these gorillas who need to shave twice a day.

p3

⑤And then they wonder why bullying is such a big problem in middle school.

[ OUTTA MY WAY, RUNTS! ]

Today is the first day of school, and right now we’re just waiting around for the teacher to hurry up and finish the seating chart. So I figured I might as well write in this book to pass the time. By the way, let me give you some good advice.

⑥On the first day of school, you got to be real careful where you sit. You walk into the classroom and just plunk your stuff down on any old desk and the next thing you know the teacher is saying

[ I HOPE YOU ALL LIKE WHERE YOU'RE SITTING, BECAUSE THESE ARE YOUR PERMANENT SEATS.]  [GAAH!]

So in this class, I got stuck with Chris Hosey in front of me and Lionel James in back of me.

p4

⑦Jason Brill came in late and almost sat to my right, but luckily I stopped that from happening at the last second. [ IS THIS SEAT TAKEN? ] [ YES! YES! ]

Next period, I should just sit in the middle of a bunch of hot girls as soon as I step in the room But I guess if I do that, it just proves I didn’t learn anything from last year.

[ GREG, WILL  YOU PLEASE PASS THIS  NOTE TO SHELLY? ]

[ WHY, CERTAINLY! HEH, HEH. ]

[ GREG IS A DORK.]

⑧Man, I don’t know what is up with girls these days. It used to be a whole lot simpler back in elementary school. The deal was, if you were the fastest runner in your class, you got all the girls. And in the fifth grade, the fastest runner was Ronnie McCoy.

Nowadays, it’s a whole lot more complicated. Now it’s about the kind of clothes you wear or how rich you are or if you have a cute butt or whatever.

p5

He told me I slept through the whole summer, but that luckily I woke up just in time for the first day of school. You might think I was pretty dumb for falling for that one, but Rodrick was dressed up in his school clothes and he set my alarm clock ahead to make it look like it was the morning. Plus, he closed my curtains so I couldn’t see that it was still dark out.

p6

①After Rodrick woke me up, I just got dressed and went downstairs to make myself some breakfast, like I do every morning on a school day. But I guess I must have made a pretty big racket because the next thing I knew, Dad was downstairs, yelling at me for eating Cheerios at 3:00 in the morning. It took me a minute to figure out what the heck was going on.

②After I did, I told Dad that Rodrick had played a trick on me, and HE was the one that should be getting yelled at. Dad walked down to the basement to chew Rodrick out, and I tagged along. I couldn’t wait to see Rodrick get what was coming to him. But Rodrick covered up his tracks pretty good. And to this day, I’m sure Dad thinks I’ve got a screw loose or something.

p7

③Today in Geography we had a quiz, and I have to say, I’ve been looking forward to this one for a long time. The quiz was on state capitals, and I sit in the back of the room, right next to this giant map of the United States. All the capitals are written in big red print, so I knew I had this one in the bag.

④But right before the test got started, Patty Farrell piped up from the front of the room. Patty told Mr. Ira that he should cover up the United States map before we got started. So thanks to Patty, I ended up flunking the quiz. And I will definitely be looking for a way to pay her back for that one.